The Beatles In Fiction

“I was in '78 recently," he announced. "I brought you this." He handed me a single by the Beatles. I didn't recognize the title.
"Didn't they split in '70?"
"Not always. How are things?” 

 -(Jasper Fforde, The Eyre Affair)

I don't think there's a Beatle fan alive who has never wondered what The Beatles would have been like if they hadn't broken up in 1970. We imagine how the album after Let It Be would have sounded. We wonder whether they would have been as successful or developed so quickly had Decca signed them rather than rejected them in early 1962. We speculate what their history would have been like had Pete Best not been fired.

During the past twenty years, I've read several novels and short stories that relate alternate Beatles histories. Here I will touch on six, although there are a few more available that involve the lads as passing characters, secondary to the main narrative.

Paperback Writer - The Life and Times of the Beatles: The Spurious Chronicle of Their Rise to Stardom, their triumphs and Disasters, Plus the Amazing Story of Their Ultimate Reunion
by Mark Shipper

More than twenty years ago in Japan, I was given this by the Doc. I have a feeling we'd been discussing The Rutles, and he'd mentioned this book in passing. I'd never heard of it, and so the next time he was home on a vacation he bought this for me.

The comparison to The Rutles is apt. Shipper twists the real history just enough to put a Pythonesque spin on the tale. I recently saw a note from the author protesting his novel was published before The Rutles movie, although he neglects to mention the earliest Rutles appearances were on the BBC in 1975 (repeated on Saturday Night Live in 1976) which is at least two years before Paperback Writer was published. And while I have no reason to believe Shipper based his novel on The Rutles, the approach to the subject is similar.

Although I'm a huge Monty Python fan, I found this novel wasn't as funny as the premise. (or, for that matter, as funny as The Rutles) Perhaps it's simply my sense of humour. Being Australian/Scottish, I generally find my comedy tastes leaning towards British rather than American sitcoms. Many of the jokes seemed lame, the writer reaching to make the punchline. Having said that, I found parts quite funny. I particularly liked the scene where The Beatles secretly reunite and jam.

"Let's do an oldie," Harrison suggested.
"Sure, George," Lennon said snidely. "You know the chords to 'He's So Fine' by any chance?"
"I'd tell him to go to hell," Harrison said to Spector, ignoring Lennon, "but he's going anyway."

Many others seem to love it more than I do. I promise to give it another read shortly.

Goodreads rating: 4.01 out of 5.00

Paul is Undead 
by Alan Goldsheer

I bought this shortly after its release in 2010, right at the height of the zombie craze that seemed to sweep the film and publishing world at that time. I remember laughing at the title, thinking it was such a clever idea. The cover, with a zombified Abbey Road, caught my attention as well.

Goldsheer tells the story of The Beatles as three zombies and Ringo, the Ninja Lord. Written in a series of interviews, much like The Beatles Anthology book, the pages flick back and forth between characters and different points of view. Unfortunately I found this rather distracting. The character's voices, too, and the language they used didn't ring true; it wasn't authentic. Although I finished the book, I struggled to do so. The basic idea is far better and far funnier than the actual book.

Right before we played our closing number, I gave them what I thought was my scariest look, then said, "Those of you in the cheaper seats, tear your neighbour from limb to limb. And those of you in the more expensive seats ... do the same fookin' thing."In retrospect, I dunno why everybody made such a huge to-do about it. Only one person actually followed my instructions, and from what I was told, his victim had it coming anyhow.

I may revisit this one in a couple of years to see whether it's grown on me. Maybe my expectations were too high the first time around.

Goodreads rating: 3.21 out of 5.00

Liverpool Fantasy
by Larry Kirwan

Late 1962. The Beatles had released Love Me Do and had just recorded Please Please Me, having turned down How Do You Do It. So far, so good. So far, so true. This is where the narrative veers from fact. The suits at EMI won't release Please Please Me, desiring something less rock 'n' roll, and are instead pushing for the next single to be Till There Was You. John, sticking to his guns, walks out of Abbey Road never to return. The Beatles, of course, disband. Twenty five years later, Ringo is playing drums around Liverpool, most frequently with Gerry and the Pacemakers, George, parallel to his real life spiritual quest, has become a Jesuit priest, while Paul is a famous lounge singer, known as Paul Montana. Lennon, of course, is unemployed, still living in Liverpool, and generally down and out.

In  1987, they reunite, just to give it one last bash and to sort out a few personal issues.

Of the three books, this is the one I enjoyed the most. The voices and characters were accurate, the comedy dark, the situations authentic.

Lennon's guitar had begun sliding off his amp. Without taking his eyes off Epstein, he kicked back and shoved it in place. As he lit another cigarette, his upper lip quivered with rage.  "When are you going to get it into your thick skull that you;re managing The Beatles, not bloody Acker Bilk! We're a rock & roll group; or, at least, we used to be until you came round and tried to deball us, you --"
"John, please be reasonable." Epstein dabbed at his damp brow with a royal blue handkerchief.
"Reasonable! You know how you spell that word?" He jabbed his Players at Eppy's face. "S-E-L-L-O-U-bloody-T!"

This is one I plan to read again shortly.

Goodreads rating: 3.12 out of 5.00

Snodgrass 
by Ian R. MacLeod

A similar premise to Liverpool Fantasy, Lennon leaves The Beatles when they accede to recording How Do You Do It. Many years later, living in Birmingham, unemployed and sitting a job interview with a supermarket, he ponders what could have been.

This short story was adapted into a television show, as part of Playhouse Presents on the SKY Arts network. Still unavailable elsewhere, I have yet to see it, although I have heard good things about the adaptation in which Ian Hart once more reprises his role as John Lennon. (I believe it's the third time he has done so)

"Come on, John. Climb down off the bloody wall. It didn't happen, you're not rich and famous. It's not like winning the pools, happens to everyone you meet. After all, The Beatles were just another rock band. It's not like they were The Stones."
"Oh, no. The Stones weren't bloody crap for a start. Bang bang Maxwell's Silver bloody Hammer. Give me Cliff any day."

A moving, thoughtful short story that deserves wider recognition. MacLeod captures John perfectly. The words, the wisecracks, the insecurity and the smugness.

Goodreads rating: 4.29 out of 5.00

Can't Buy Me Faded Love
by Josh Rountree

I'd never heard of Bob Wills and his Texas Playboys before reading this short story. Part of a collection of twisted Rock and Roll stories, Can't Buy Me Faded Love tells of a young John Lennon who emigrates to the US, and becomes a fine country guitar player and songwriter. Bob Wills, one of the greats of swing country (and writer of the song Faded Love), takes the young Lennon under his wing.

Told through a series of excerpts from interviews, articles, biographies and postcards, we witness Lennon and Will's relationship develop, their fame and fortune soar, and their falling out. Finally, in one last reunion just before Wills slips into a coma which ends his life, they speak privately.

It's not necessary to know the history of Bob Wills, although I discovered new depths to this story after reading his biography.

"I heard about the Playboys going on tour that summer and I had to be there," said Lennon in a 1978 interview with biographer, Lon Haines.  "Much of Bob's original success came before I was born, but I was a fan.  More than a fan, really.  That music was my life when I was a kid.  My aunt used to play those 78's all the time, all the old Western Swing bands, but especially the Playboys.  I never knew my father, but I remember listening to those songs and wondering if he might have gone to America to become a singer.  Maybe Bob Wills was my dad, you know?  I was a kid then.  I reckoned Bob was the singer since the band was named after him.  Later on I understood that it was his fiddle playing that really inspired me.  It made me sad.  It made me long for something.  A father, maybe, but something else too.  I wanted to be in America, and I wanted to make that kind of music."

Goodreads rating: 4.50 out of 5.00 

I Was The Walrus

by Steve Cameron

Yeah, I'll mention this one briefly. One half of the team here at The Rowboat Syndicate wrote this. Eric Guignard, the editor, won a Bram Stoker Award for the anthology, a collection of short stories considering what the afterlife might be like. I Was The Walrus is a John Lennon reincarnation story, with a twist.

There  is  no  way  I  could  have  known  about  The  Beatles’  rooftop session, or even who John Lennon was. I was paraded before a stream of past-life experts and child psychologists, Buddhists monks, and psychics,but none of them retrieved any further memories. As an adult I’ve watched the rooftop session on Let It Be many times, looking for clues as to who I might have been. I’ve scoured the faces of the friends, the families, the assistants and employees; all those who were there on that cold January morning. I’ve recently come to suspect that I was probably their roadie, Mal Evans.

 Goodreads rating: 4.40 out of 5.00

Ringo's 8 Starr Moments

Today is Ringo's birthday and to celebrate we list his eight shining moments as a drummer, singer and actor:

She Loves You (1963)

Ringo's tom toms kick off the first monster Beatles hit and his relentless hi-hat carries the song at a blistering pace for the next 2:18. His drumming is the perfect bedrock for the infectious hooks that John and Paul lay down. From now on, Ringo's hi-hat wash would be a trademark sound of the Beatlemania era, propelling songs such as Roll Over Beethoven and It Won't Be Long.

A Hard Day's Night (the 1964 film)
I would argue (and director Richard Lester would agree) that George was the best actor in The Beatles, but Ringo's performance here is the most memorable. His sequence playing hooky with a truant kid is charming. Ringo is a natural onscreen.

Ticket To Ride (1965)

True, Paul directed Ringo on playing the complex rhythmic patterns on this Lennon song, but Ringo executed them beautifully. The drums leap out of the speakers (the left channel in the stereo mix), adding a heaviness to this mid-tempo rocker. The drum fills are inventive and forceful. The link above isolates the drums and Paul's bass.

She Said She Said (1966)

Many, including Ringo himself, would say that Rain showcases his drumming at its finest, but I prefer this biting rock song from Revolver. Ringo's idiosynchratic drumming follows no recognizable pattern before or after this song was recorded in spring 1966, but its eccentric patterns finely complement John's bitter and sad lyric about lost childhood and death. I would argue that 1966 is the peak of Ringo's drumming in The Beatles. The link above highlights the drums.

Tomorrow Never Knows (1966)

Ringo's drumming is deceptively simple on this surreal pastiche of sound that closes Revolver. It anchors a whirlygig of backwards loops, dark sound effects and a distorted Lennon vocal that explode across the stereo spectrum. Without Ringo's beat, the song would descend into chaos. His drumming itself sounds primal, like an ancient tribal beat.

A Day In The Life (1967)
Like She Said She Said, the drum fills in this song follow no discernible pattern and sound like nobody else. In the documentary The Making of Sgt. Pepper, Ringo modestly explains that he just drummed what felt natural to him. Ginger Baker, for instance, is technically a better drummer and Keith Moon was more showy, but Ringo's fills on this landmark song are economical and memorable. No two fills sound the same, and they complement the experimental spirit of A Day In The Life.

The End (1969)

Ringo's one and only drum solo and it's a stunner. This link isolates his drums.

Ringo (1973 album)
Believe it or not, Ringo was the most successful ex-Beatle in 1973. John was separated from Yoko and that dampened his musical output (the disappointing Mind Games), Paul was still finding his voice in Wings (he would break through in 1974 with his masterpiece, Band on the Run, and George released the commercially successful but artistically weak, Living in the Material World. Ringo was a number one album that reunited his former bandmates—albeit on separate tracks—and yielded hits in You're Sixteen and Photograph, which he wrote with George. Other highlights include John's I'm The Greatest and Paul's Six O'Clock. With his limited vocal, Ringo carries rockers, ballads and mid-tempo tunes with ease. Ringo is not a personal statement like John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band but it's a catchy, highly listenable showcase of Mr. Starr.

The 14th Beatles Album

John Lennon once said in the early-70s that if Beatles fans wanted another album after Let It Be they could just grab songs from each of their solo albums.

The recorded output by the ex-Beatles in 1970 shows that their creative juices were still flowing. For the most part, their singles and albums were hitting the top ten, and some were scoring with the critics, notably John Lennon/Plastic Ono Band and All Things Must Pass.

The only problem was that John, Paul, George and Ringo couldn't all be in the same room together, which is a small obstacle to the recording process.

Taking John's idea idea literally, I assembled what could have been the Beatles' fourteenth album which would have been released in late-1970 in time for the Christmas market.

In selecting the tracks and running order, I followed these ground rules as set by previous Beatles albums:

• Tracks had to be recorded or released in 1970. It Don't Come Easy was released in 1971, but recorded in March 1970.
• The same composer could not open both side A and B;
• No two consecutive songs could feature the same vocalist;
• The same composer could not open and close the album;
• The running time had to fall between 40-50 minutes, based on 1970 vinyl standards;
• Singles and album tracks recorded by ex-Beatles were both fine;
• George must have three songs, matching his output on Revolver: Some of you will ask, Why not more? In reality, neither John nor Paul would allow George more songs than them on an album. George's output in 1970 in terms of quantity and quality was so enormous, he could have taken up an entire side.

Ladies and gentlemen, the unreleased fourteenth Beatles album:

Side A

1. Instant Karma (John)
2. Every Night (Paul)
3. It Don't Come Easy (Ringo)
4. Wah Wah (George)
5. Working Class Hero (John)
6. Man We Was Lonely (Paul)

Side B

1. What Is Life (George)
2. Love (John)
3. Junk (Paul)
4. Remember (John)
5. Maybe I'm Amazed (Paul)
6. All Things Must Pass (George)

singles:

Instant Karma / Teddy Boy (Get Back sessions)

It Don't Come Easy / Apple Scruffs

What Is Life / Look at Me

Songs by singer/composer:

John: 4

Paul: 4

George: 3

Ringo: 1

By 1970, John had kicked his heroin habit and was recording more music again. His presence on this album would match Paul's after taking a dip on Abbey Road and Let It Be. George comes to the fore as the third composer of the band after his outstanding efforts on Abbey Road. I gave him added prominence by closing the album.

Selecting a title is difficult. All Things Must Pass would send a signal to fans that The Sixties—and the band—were over, but I know that John and Paul would never name a Beatles' album after a George song. So, I have no name for this album and for my iPod simply call it 1970.

Track-by-track:

Side A:

   
1. Instant Karma (John)

An easy choice. Every Beatles album opens with a bang, a catchy rocker that rightfully was a hit. Also, John's count-in recalls I Saw Her Standing There and Taxman. No other solo Beatles song from 1970 comes close to opening the album.

2. Every Night (Paul)

The second song contrasts the tempo of the opening by relaxing the mood. This beautiful mid-tempo song by Paul is a highlight from his first solo album.

3. It Don't Come Easy (Ringo)

Do I go back to John or introduce George in the third spot? Guess what: Ringo. Per tradition, Ringo has one song on this album and it's his best songs from 1970. No surprise it was a hit single. An unwritten rule is pack side A with the stronger songs and this song maintains this exceptional quality.

4. Wah Wah (George)

Now, George has to appear. He has too many good songs in 1970. Placing him fourth opens the album democratically, with each ex-Beatle getting his turn to stand in the spotlight. The trick was choosing which song off the massive All Things Must Pass to place here. After two mid-tempo songs, I wanted to return to a rocker, the harder the better. This was it with its dense mix of guitars, horns and vocals.

5. Working Class Hero (John)

After George's blistering guitar tour-de-force, we need to change the mood yet offer a song as strong as the predecessors. You could argue that The Beatles, especially Paul, would have never allowed the F-word to be uttered on a Beatles record (excluding Hey Jude where “fuck” was buried in the mix). Then again, John sang “Christ” in The Ballad of John & Yoko with Paul on harmony, and John got Revolution 9 onto The White Album. Some may question the harsh tone of this song, and by far it is the most confessional song on my album, but I argue that WCH is just too powerful to leave off this album.

6. Man We Was Lonely (Paul)

This song closed side A of Paul's solo album and I thought it would work here, too. After Working Class Hero, we need to hear something that'll stop us from slitting our wrists and Paul's refreshing song does the trick. The long extro lowers the curtain on side A.

Side B

1. What Is Life (George)

I needed George back and this perfectly opened side B of All Things Must Pass. Another galloping start.

2. Love (John)

Similarly, this was the second song on side B of John's album and I thought it would work here, contrasting the frenzy of George's previous song. It was also time to return John to the mix.

3. Junk (Paul)

Back-to-back ballads don't hurt (like the acoustic-heavy side B of The White Album. This is one of the songs from McCartney that I wanted on this album, but didn't feel it was strong enough for side A. (I prefer The White Album demo, actually.)

4. Remember (John)

Back to a rocker. This is the last of John's songs on this album.

5. Maybe I'm Amazed (Paul)

Paul's best song from 1970 gets the penultimate spot.

  
6. All Things Must Pass (George)

Was there any other choice? George never closed a Beatles album, but this tune that he wrote during the Get Back sessions and that the group nearly recorded sums up this album, but also the end of The Sixties and The Beatles themselves. Fade out.

The singles

Instant Karma / Teddy Boy (Get Back sessions)

It Don't Come Easy / Apple Scruffs

What Is Life / Look at Me

I strongly doubt that The Beatles would pull three songs off the same album as singles. Typically, they pulled one to give the fans' their money's worth (excluding Please Please Me where the singles were released before the album). Most likely from this album, the band would have paired Instant Karma and It Don't Come Easy as they did with Come Together and Something. FM radio stations played Maybe I'm Amazed like a single back in the day, but Paul resisted the demand to issue the song (until the amazing live version in 1976).

That said, the singles above are more like potential singles with B-sides that fell short of making the album. Of course, the A-sides were in real life singles that charted well back in the day.

What Songs Were Left Off and Why

John: Mother, Hold On John, I Found Out, Well Well Well, God, My Mummy's Dead

Of all the solo Beatles albums in 1970, John's was the most personal, self-referential and extreme. The songs on this fantasy album had to possibly been recorded by The Beatles, and these tunes about John's dead mother and the end of The Beatles miss the mark by a mile. Could you imagine John singing I don't believe in Beatles on a Beatles album (though I'm sure he would've tried).

Paul: The Lovely Linda, Oo You, Momma Miss America

I love the McCartney album. It's refreshing and unpretentious, full of fine songs. I admire the stripped-down production. But these songs are a little too unpolished for a Beatles album and contrast too much with George's Wall of Sound to belong on the same album.

George: My Sweet Lord, Awaiting on You All

Could you imagine John and Paul singing Hare Krishna in back-up?

Ringo: Sentimental Journey, Beaucoups of Blues

Ringo has one spot on any album, and that spot belongs to the hit It Don't Come Easy. These old standards and country tunes are too left-field for this fantasy album.

Beyond 1970:

Richard Linklater's Boyhood suggested The Black Album (compiled by Ethan Hawke) which gathers solo-Beatles songs post-1970, but that doesn't work for me. After 1970, the styles of the four Beatles diverge too far already. 1970 is pushing the limits as it is, but 1982? Forget it. 

John's political activism and midlife crisis don't blend with Paul's sentimentality and George's holy preachings. Imagine and Mary Had A Little Lamb on the same album? The Guv, one half of the team here at The Rowboat Syndicate, agrees. His take on The Black Album can be found here.

If nothing else, 1970 proves that if John, Paul, George and Ringo wanted to, they had enough powder in their collective cannon to fire off another great album. The songs were there. The records charted high upon release and the music stands the test of time. What was missing what the chemistry of the four of them playing together. What's missing from all these songs—as good as they are—is The Beatles' trademark harmonies and the sound of them playing together. By 1970, the dream was over.

A Splendid Alternative?

There's no doubt Sgt. Pepper is a landmark album. The music, the writing, the instrumentation, the cover, the concept, the studio trickery - all these elements combined to usher in a new era of album as more than just a collection of songs. And while Sgt. Pepper is still rightly considered to be a brilliantly conceived and constructed piece of art, some have questioned what could have been.

Many of us are familiar with the artwork created for this album by The Fool which was ultimately rejected in favour of Peter Blake's iconic masterpiece. And, of course, there are alternative shots from Blake's photo session featuring the lads in varying poses. Some of these photos still include extra characters such as Mahatma Gandhi in the background, who were later airbrushed out at EMI's insistence. But what about potential variations of Sgt. Pepper that includes different tracks and running orders?

During the past 30 years I've seen a number of alternative tracklists, either actual possibilities that may have been considered by The Beatles and George Martin at some point, or fanciful suggestions from fans. The first time I became aware of any of these was probably in the liner notes to the 1987 CD release, where it was suggested George Martin had, at some point, considered the following:

Side 1:

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
With A Little Help From My Friends
Being For the Benefit of Mr. Kite
Fixing A Hole
Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
Getting Better
She's Leaving Home
Side 2:
Within You Without You
When I'm 64
Lovely Rita
Good Morning Good Morning
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (reprise)
A Day In The Life

I can see how this might work, although I particularly like With A Little Help From My Friends leading straight into the psychedelic opening of Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds. Separating Getting Better and Fixing A Hole, both McCartney songs, makes some sense, since they have more rhythmic and tonal similarities than contrast. Having re-created this disc for my own listening pleasure, I find it doesn't flow as well as the actual release. This, however, could simply be my own prejudices from being so familiar with the original song order after all these years.

George Martin gave Strawberry Fields Forever and Penny Lane to EMI for single release, something he has since stated he regrets doing. The first two tracks recorded for the Sgt. Pepper sessions, they were deemed ineligible for inclusion as they had previously been released. There are quotes from George Martin and the band suggesting they felt it was unfair to fans to sell them the same product twice. Apparently they had forgotten Love Me Do, Please Please Me and other songs which had earlier appeared on both singles and albums. And Sir Paul most definitely ignored this sentiment in the 90s when he released multiple versions of the same single from Off The Ground, each with different bonus tracks. The only other track recorded during these sessions to be considered for Sgt. Pepper was Harrison's Only A Northern Song which the rest of the band felt was sub-standard, despite the amount of effort they put into its creation. (There were further tracks recorded during this time period, such as Carnival of Light, but they were always intended for other specific purposes.)

Some fans have suggested the possibility of a double album, although this would never have been seriously considered at this stage of their career. EMI was quite concerned at the mounting expense. No other album in history had ever consumed five months of studio time, and they were actively pushing for the band to release anything. Soon. If they had continued recording for many more months to create four sides, tracks such as All You Need Is Love, Hello Goodbye, Baby You're A Rich Man, and The Fool On The Hill would surely have forced their way in. Although they commenced recording some of these only weeks after the Sgt. Pepper sessions ended, none were on tape in time for the 1st June, 1967 release date. While it's tempting to imagine a double album, I fear the result would have been a sprawling mess.

Everyone has their least favourite tracks on Sgt. Pepper. And I've seen suggestions which drop various combinations of She's Leaving Home, Getting Better, Within You Without You, Lovely Rita and When I'm 64 to fit all or some of these other songs. Altering Sgt. Pepper is a delicate operation, calling for precise planning and thought. The record could have lost more than it gained by losing any of these tracks, all of which added light and shade to the album's flow.

In an article published in 2007, on the eve of the album's 40th anniversary, one reporter claims to have received the inside story on Martin's preferred lineup. Getting Better would have been dropped for Penny Lane, while Within You Without You, which Martin has publicly stated is too long, would have been shortened to make room for Strawberry Fields Forever. Now this is an interesting tracklisting. (Of course we don't know whether Martin would have changed the running order.)

Side 1:

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
With A Little Help From My Friends
Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
Penny Lane
Fixing A Hole
She's Leaving Home
Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite
Side 2:
Within You Without You (edited)
Strawberry Fields Forever
When I'm 64
Lovely Rita
Good Morning Good Morning
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (reprise)
A Day In The Life

One of the major problems with this suggested order is that suddenly side one becomes very Paul heavy. The Doc, one half of the team here at The Rowboat Syndicate, has created his own tracklist to counter this. He most certainly believes that omitting Strawberry Fields Forever and Penny Lane was a huge mistake. Alongside A Day In The Life, they are the best compositions from the 1966-67 Sgt. Pepper era in terms of lyrics, arrangements and performances. They all push the envelope in recorded music, and they still amaze almost fifty years later. A shortened Within You Without You and the removal of Lovely Rita permits room for their inclusion. While he would be happy for Lovely Rita to have remained, in his opinion it feels like a throwaway compared to weightier songs.

The Doc would retain side one as it is. Within You Without You (removing the instrumental break) would open side two, and be followed by a surreal visit to Liverpool's past and The Beatles' childhood through Strawberry Fields Forever. Harrison's song is philosophical, but also reflective and looks inward. Lennon's is just as reflective though in a far more personal way. The outro of George's song fades and Strawberry Fields Forever immediately cuts in, making these two songs feel seamless. Penny Lane, being more upbeat and faster in tempo, continues the build from the slower, introspective pieces. And the two tracks belong together. They're two sides of the coin. Maintaining the Liverpool flashback, When I'm 64, their homage to English music hall, dovetails beautifully behind Strawberry Fields Forever and Penny Lane. It works. It's organic.  The contrast in feeling is perfect. 

With the final notes of When I'm 64 fading, The Doc suggests a return to the official sequence of the album. The transition to Good Morning, Good Morning again feels seamless, and it's good to bounce back to a John song after enjoying back-to-back Paul songs. The Reprise leading into A Day In The Life is as close to a perfect conclusion as we could have.

Sgt. Pepper in its released form is more lopsided than other Beatles' albums like Rubber Soul and Revolver. Including the Liverpool songs adds far more muscle to a weaker side two and balances the album. It also elevates a very good album into a true masterpiece. One more subtle, but essential improvement: Sgt. Pepper is no longer dominated by Paul's voice but more equally weighted with John's. The Doc prefers Revolver, Rubber Soul and The White Album, simply because of that balance between John and Paul, and that is something he misses with Sgt. Pepper.

Doc's tracklisting:

Side 1: 

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
With A Little Help From My Friends
Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
Getting Better
Fixing A Hole
She's Leaving Home
Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite
Side 2:
Within You Without You (edited)
Strawberry Fields Forever
Penny Lane
When I'm 64
Good Morning Good Morning
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (reprise)
A Day In The Life

Besides the above hypothetical exercises, there were legitimate variations of Sgt. Pepper released. The nature of 8-track cartridges meant each of the four programs (similar to vinyl sides) were most effective when they were of approximately the same length. For this reason the song order for the 8-track version underwent some shuffling. A Day In The Life no longer closes the album. That honour goes to Sgt. Pepper's (reprise), which has also been edited to artificially extend it by ten seconds.

Program 1
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
A Little Help From My Friends (sic)
Fixing A Hole
Being For The Benefit of Mr. Kite
Program 2
Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
Getting Better
She's Leaving Home
Program 3
Within You Without You
A Day In The Life
Program 4
When I'm Sixty-Four
Lovely Rita
Good Morning Good Morning
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (reprise)

There are two legitimate Sgt. Pepper oddities that require mentioning. Both were Asian releases.

Malaysia and Hong Kong, like the BBC, banned three songs for supposed drug references. And so the Far Eastern version of this record was unique, and obviously created several months after the album's initial release. I've never heard an actual copy of this, so I have no idea on whether the tracks have different edits. I suspect not. For my own enjoyment I re-created this record on CD, taking the time to crossfade Sgt. Pepper into The Fool On The Hill, and the Pepper (reprise) into I Am The Walrus. And while I would never replace my regular copy of the album with this version, it is one that I find charming and listen to from time to time. (If anyone can supply me with a needledrop of this record, please contact me.) The rear cover of the album was altered to reflect the unusual tracklist.

Side 1:

Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
The Fool On The Hill
Baby You're A Rich Man
Getting Better
Fixing A Hole
She's Leaving Home
Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite
Side 2:
Within You Without You
When I'm 64
Lovely Rita
Good Morning Good Morning
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (reprise)
I'm The Walrus (sic)

In 1977 South Korea issued a version of Sgt. Pepper which completely removed Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds and A Day In The Life. Neither track was replaced, which must make for a very short and incomplete listening experience. The artwork on both the front and rear were drastically altered as well. As McCartney sang, very strange.

Side 1:
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
With A Little Help From My Friends
Getting Better
Fixing A Hole
She's Leaving Home
Being For The Benefit Of Mr. Kite
Side 2:
Within You Without You
When I'm 64
Lovely Rita
Good Morning Good Morning
Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (reprise)

But let's return to the possible inclusion of Only A Northern Song on the album.

I have yet to see any alternative listing with this track that I find satisfying. I thought I saw one suggested by Mark Lewisohn many years ago. Now, however, I can't find it, and can't recall from where he may have sourced that information. Of course my mind may be playing tricks, it might not exist and it's possible I imagined the whole thing.

I really quite like Only A Northern Song, Harrison's first full-on attempt at psychedelia. (Mind you, I also have a soft spot for It's All Too Much.) My gut feeling is it would never really fit properly. It's big, brassy and loud, and would need to be placed exactly so, should it be included. The Doc agrees. While he also likes Only A Northern Song and has sequenced It's All Too Much into his Sgt. Pepper mix a few times, neither fits. The former is too weak a song and the latter takes the album on a tangent with its freakout feedback, which he actually likes. Both tracks, however, disrupt the flow, whereas Strawberry Fields Forever and Penny Lane meld into the overall mix organically. Think of it this way: each song on Sgt. Pepper is like a sequence in a film. Each song must occur at the right place for the whole album to flow, for songs to contrast each other in feeling and idea and complement each other when needed.

As we know, Only A Northern Song was not included on Sgt. Pepper. In fact it was rejected from the album so early that on April 20, 1967 Martin played it for the producers of the Yellow Submarine cartoon, informing them it was the first song for their forthcoming movie soundtrack. This was prior to the song's final mixes and while the Sgt. Pepper sessions were still underway. Obviously there was never any real intent to include Only A Northern Song on the album. At least the filmmakers made sure it received a stunning animation sequence.

Are there any other ideas out there? Any variations I've missed? I'd certainly be thrilled if anyone could source further alternative tracklistings. Your personal suggestions are also most welcome in the comments.

Remember, Sgt. Pepper was originally released in the days of vinyl and neither side would have extended much beyond 22 minutes or so.

For further information on Sgt. Pepper, I recommend this page at The Beatles Internet Album.

Waiting For The Scruffs

Musicians have fans - that's nothing new.  Many of these fans are dedicated beyond belief, buying concert tickets across whole tours, taking unpaid vacations to go to every show, collecting expensive memorabilia. Fandom is a passion almost impossible to explain to someone who doesn't get it.

Even compared to the most rabid fans of other groups, the Apple Scruffs were special, and I doubt we'll ever see the likes of them again. These fans, mostly young women, spent years simply waiting outside the offices in Savile Row and the Abbey Road Studios. Many had given up their jobs. Others juggled waiting with work. They'd sleep on the concourse outside the studio in winter, often until early morning, waiting and watching, waiting for a sighting, waiting for a few words from one of the four. They had a network so well organised that The Beatles were always stunned to find Scruffs already waiting at places like Trident Studios when they arrived.

George even wrote and recorded a song about them on his All Things Must Pass album. (As a side note, when I was in High School, a friend submitted the lyrics to this song to our English teacher for a poetry assignment. Even then I was impressed he was smart enough to choose a more obscure song with which to cheat. For the record, George Harrison received a B.)

It took me a long time to locate a copy of Waiting For The Beatles at a reasonable price. Long out of print, this book by Carol Bedford tells her version of what it was like to be an Apple Scruff. Bedford was an American, a long time Beatle fan who moved to the UK in order to visit The Beatles. She was successful, visiting most of them at their homes, making friends with other fans, and so ended up staying. Like the other Scruffs she was on first name basis with the fabs, and was even invited into the inner sanctum a few times.

I looked forward to this book, to reading an account of what it was like to have the kind of dedication it took to be a Scruff.

This book isn't as insightful as I would have liked.

Bedford comes across as a self-centred petulant pre-teen, although she was several years older than that. A young woman who arrives in the UK, befriends some of the other fans, (they weren't called Scruffs until much later), then anoints George as her chosen one, apparently for no other reason than there were fewer girls chasing him. George, in fact, is portrayed as being privileged to have her as his fan. She has a nemesis, another George fan, who is up to all kinds of dirty tricks to thwart her efforts. This whole sub-plot reads like a high school romance novel.

George is seen as a caricature, a cardboard cutout who is chastised and berated by Bedford when he doesn't pay her enough attention. And then when George apparently makes a series of advances towards her, she rebuffs him, acting coy and shocked, declaring the past years of flirting were all innocent.

Incidents seem to be embellished to give the author a starring role. I'm almost surprised she didn't include herself present at the business meeting where Lennon declared himself to be the reincarnation of Jesus. She was there when John went to Cavendish Avenue and threw the brick through McCartney's window. She was watching through the window when Paul announced he was quitting the band. And she was the one who, reluctantly and at the spurring of others, climbed through the bathroom window to take Paul's possessions. Of course once inside Paul's house, she wouldn't touch anything. No, that was the other girls.

Interestingly, other Scruffs insist she wasn't even there at the time.

I read somewhere George was angry about the book. Other Scruffs question the author's motives and narrative honesty. But I didn't need those opinions to form my own. This book needs to be taken with huge shovels of salt.

Even at the end, when Bedford decides to stop following George around, she declares that it's her gift to him, relieving him of the responsibility of their friendship. She writes a letter explaining all this, then within a week contacts him when she's heard he's had an accident.

Apparently Bedford passed away a few years ago after a long illness. Still in London and, I suspect, still dreaming of George.


Despite all this, I enjoyed this book. Yes, read between the lines. Separate the fact from fantasy. There's enough at its core to give some insight into this kind of fandom.

It's the only Apple Scruff's book I've managed to find thus far. I've read that at least one other Scruff has thought about writing her story. And I'd love to see a bound collection of all their newsletters reproduced.

In the meantime, I'm grateful for this one. I'm just waiting for another Scruff to write a better one.

Sacred And Most Holy Relics

John Lennon's acoustic guitar, used on early recordings and missing for more than fifty years, has been located and is being offered for auction. The Gibson, purchased in 1962 at Brian Epstein's insistence after the boys were mocked at their Decca audition for having substandard equipment, was used on recordings such as Love Me Do and P.S. I Love You. The guitar mysteriously disappeared during The Beatles 1963 Christmas Show at Finsbury Park before surfacing in San Diego where it was bought by an American in the early 70s for a few hundred dollars. Apparently it's only recently he has realised what he has, and is now expected to earn around $800,000 from its sale.

So if it was stolen, why isn't it being returned to its rightful owner? Surely Yoko, or Sean, or Julian should have it.

Of course, that's not to say I'd love to own this guitar.

Memorabilia fascinates me. The extent to which fans will go to possess artifacts, souvenirs, and other items with some connection to their idols. It's as if they're holy relics, as though ownership will endow enlightenment, a kind of Beatles nirvana. For me, mortgages and grown-up priorities (food, insurance, car, etc.) limit my abilities to collect. I have some inexpensive items; mostly recent merchandise and a few old Beatles Monthly magazines. But there are some collectors who will go to great expense to possess rarities. And the closer to the boys, and the rarer it is, the better.

Studio tapes are missing from the archives. There are rumours of collectors holding these for themselves in private collections, not willing to return them, not willing to share them. Instruments, gold records and awards, clothes, notes and song lyrics; all stolen at opportune moments and secreted away. She Came In Through The Bathroom Window.

And from there we cross to the completely sick and twisted side of collecting. A copy of The White Album, signed by Charles Manson and members of his family, is currently offered for sale at $50,000. There's definitely something wrong with that.

McCartney had some fun at the expense of memorabilia collectors in his 1989 video for My Brave Face in which a Japanese collector goes to extraordinary lengths to steal items such as a Sgt. Pepper suit. But for my money one of the funniest moments was a Saturday Night Live skit from the 80s where Ringo Starr (playing himself) is offered up for auction as a piece of memorabilia.

I love reading about this stuff. Books with information and images on collectibles, instruments, and every variation in record releases from a round the world fascinate me no end.

Now, if I ever won the lottery I'd be in serious trouble. My wife would kill me. The money wouldn't last. I understand collectors. I understand their passion. And I'd love to possess my own pieces of Beatles history.

Beatlegs

Although it would be another few years until I saw an actual bootleg for real, my first knowledge of their existence was in the excellent The Beatles: An Illustrated Record.

A double spread towards the back of the book gave me a tantalising taste of what was out there in the wider world. Song titles I'd never heard of before, exotic to a thirteen year old who only knew their hits. I Got A Woman, I Just Don't Understand, Please Don't Ever Change, A Shot of Rhythm and Blues, Have You Heard The Word?, Peace Of Mind, and even Johnny B. Goode. These were songs I could only try to imagine. I was as much a fan then as I am now. If it existed, or was even rumoured to exist, I wanted to hear it.

I'm pretty sure I'd never even heard of Chuck Berry at that stage, but for some reason I recall being aware that bootleggers often had to guess at the song title. And so I wondered whether Johnny B.Goode was actually a mislabelled Bad Boy. (The line, Now Junior, behave yourself, suggested the connection).  OK, I was reaching, but I was also thirteen at the time.

Now, of course, I have all these tracks. And many, many more. Some of them are mistitled, some of them aren't even The Beatles. Many people weren't aware exactly how much and how often The Beatles recorded for the BBC and so all the non-live tracks were presumed to be studio outtakes. And since this was before the major studio hemorrhaging that occurred in the mid 80s through John Barrett and Roger Scott, there are very few actual outtakes amongst these titles.

There are a few live shows here. Hollywood Bowl (for once not labelled as Whiskey Flats), Tokyo 1966, even a Shea film transfer, oddly labelled as 1964 rather than 1965. There's also a bunch of Let It Be outtakes, although these all seem to be audio transfers from the film and tracks lifted from the Glyn Johns Get Back acetate which had been broadcast on American radio before Apple issued cease and desist letters.

It's also kind of interesting to see my fourteen year old self scrawled 'Released' underneath Hollywood Bowl 1964, presumably just after the legitimate vinyl was released. Little did I know then that the record was actually a mix of shows from both 1964 and 1965.

Here are some excerpts from the page on bootlegs.

"The practice of bootlegging is immoral, illegal and - despite pressures brought to bear by the established recording companies - still very much a flourishing and lucrative business."

"Though one or two gems are to be found on bootlegs, the sound quality is invariably of exceedingly poor fidelity, excepting in those very rare instances have gained unauthorised access to the master tapes or acetates."

"Beatlegs are hard to come by and, if buying such product, it is more than probable that one won't be able to preview it before purchase. Therefore it's a question of 'yer pays yer money and yer takes yer chance.'Whatever the morality and the arguments for and against bootlegs' existence, the fact remains that, with little in the way of overheads and production costs to pay - and definitely nothing in the way of copyrights to be passed on to the artists and composers - the astute bootlegger stands to make anything up to 500 per cent profit on every album sold."

"As there are well over sixty Beatlegs in existence, the authors choose to offer a selection."

My, how times have changed. A whole sixty bootlegs? All sounding like rubbish?

It seems to me as though the authors weren't particularly well versed with the dark side of recording. While bootlegs may not have been so easily accessible in the UK, my understanding is they were much more readily available in the US. As for the huge profit margins supposedly made by bootleggers, from all I've read many made little or no money from them. Mostly they were fans, and shared the music for the love. In reality there was hardly anything here that was 'smuggled' out of studios - it was virtually all from radio or movie broadcasts.

And really, images of Live at Shea and L.S. Bumblebee were the best the authors could manage? At least on the opposite page they had a stunning yet bizarre cartoon image of The Beatles Rock N' Roll, enigmatically labelled as 'Artwork for a record that was never made.' I always presumed this was early artwork for the official Rock 'N' Roll compilation, although now I suspect the authors meant for a bootleg record that was never made. Oddly, this artwork was later used for a John Lennon bootleg.

But thanks to the bootleggers, I've enjoyed more than the record company has given us. Apple has been notorious for not sharing what it has locked away in its vaults. Apple rarely asks the opinion of fans and generally ignores what we desire. If it wasn't for bootleggers I'd never have seen Let It Be, the Shea Concert, or most of their TV or promotional films.

God Bless you, bootleggers, wherever you are.